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Ask Margo

Ask Margo: Should I worry about my ex driving by my house?

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Q- Hi Margo. I have caught my ex-boyfriend driving by my house a few times now. I live on a side street so I don’t think it’s a coincidence. I ended the relationship two months ago because we weren’t getting along. He isn’t doing well with the breakup and I know he is going through a hard time but he has never been abusive or anything like that so I’m not really afraid of him. Though I don’t know how creeped out I should be. The last time he saw me see him and when I talked to him a few days later neither of us mentioned it. I think he would be embarrassed if I said anything to him. What should I do?

A- I agree it is hard to know whether to treat his behaviour as a symptom of his suffering, or a threat to your safety. I would treat it as both. While being dumped really sucks, he is still choosing to spy on you. I don’t think there is one right way to deal with any form of grief, but creeping out the people around you is not really helpful because, ya know, it just causes further isolation.
Some broken-hearted people will torture themselves by investigating the life of their ex. They don’t want to care what their ex is up to, but they also want to know and sometimes they choose to give in to this desire. Acting out of this form of desperation can lead to a blossoming obsessionand your ex is certainly showing signs of this. Hopefully being caught in the act has shamed him enough to stop with the obsessive behaviour.


Ask Margo: Nice tats, let’s be friends

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Q- Dear Margo: I was working in my office the other day when I accidentally noticed a colleague of mine of the opposite gender has a SUPER interesting tattoo on one of her boobs. I really like tattoos and really want to discuss this with her, but the manner in which I saw it was via an 'accidental glimpse' when she was tying her shoe. I don't want her to think I am the workplace perv. Should I just acknowledge there are some tattoos that I can't ask about, or should I bring it up somehow?

A- The ‘maybe I should try not to come off as perv’ instinct you have is a good one. Use it. It will protect you. Cause this dilemma is too plagued by ‘what-ifs’: what-if she is uncomfortable with me mentioning her tat?; what-if she does not mind me mentioning her tat but another co-worker overhears the conversation and reports it?; what-if I’m not totally clear on what my company constitutes as sexual harassment?; what-if she is eager to talk about her tattoo but is not so eager to be reminded that whenever she bends forward, for whatever reason, some dude somewhere will (apparently unwillingly) chest-glance her?; ya know? All these what-ifs just to talk about tattoos? Is it worth the risk? I don’t think so.

Help a guy out

Q- Dear Margo, I broke my wrist and can’t masturbate with the cast I have on. Is it fair to ask my GF to help me out every day?


Ask Margo: Tell the truth already

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Q- A friend of mine keeps asking me if her ex-boyfriend cheated on her. They dated a couple years ago and back then I was better friends with her ex. I happen to know he did cheat on her towards the end of their relationship with the same woman he briefly dated after they broke up. Now we are much closer I feel compelled to tell her.
I barely talk to her ex anymore who now lives up north but whenever she comes into town we meet up. I have had to lie to her at least twice now. The last time I said I wasn’t sure.
If she brings it up again should I say something or should I keep lying about it? How do I tell her now that I’ve lied, TWICE?

A- Many people, advice columnists included, would argue that lying to protect the one who was cheated on is a good idea. They would tell you to keep being all hush-hush about it rationalizing that ‘it’s none of your business’, ‘it’s in the past’, and that ‘nothing good could come out of her knowing now’.
 If your friend had not asked any questions, then I might agree, but in this case, she’s asking you to give her the truth (as you know it) so you might as well deliver.

In any case, I would argue good can come out of her knowing. Your friend is trying to gain a better understanding of her past relationship. This is something she obviously could not do by talking to her ex, so she has resorted to going around asking her friends about it (which I can imagine is not an easy thing to do).


Ask Margo: Should I bail on my family to spend time with my boyfriend this Christmas?

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Q- Hello Margo, my boyfriend’s family has a blast every Christmas.

They all spend a week at a cabin to ski and play games and hangout. We have been dating for just over a year so I was not invited last year but they have invited me to join them for this year’s trip. I have the time off but I’m torn because my mother is doing a big dinner with a bunch of relatives that are coming from out of town and will be expecting me to be there to help out.

I usually stay at home for at least a few days over Christmas and it would be weird if I wasn’t there. What do I do? I feel like I should respect my mother and my older relatives that will be excited to see me but at the same time it would be nice to get away with my boyfriend and do something different this year. Got any advice?

A- Three questions you should ask yourself:

1) Can I handle the guilt if I bail on my family?
2) Though my mother expects that I will be there, will she also kinda expect me to do something like skip off last minute to spend Christmas with my boyfriend’s family?
 3) Can I compromise?

I have learned when people don’t do what they said they were going to do, they feel guilty not just because it disappointed others but also because they actually wanted to do the thing they said they were going to do.


Ask Margo: What’s up with my vagina?

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Q- Dear Margo: I've been seeing a new guy for the past two months or so and needless to say, I'm smitten. Everything about our relationship so far is great.

We are compatible, have great conversations, do interesting things, and so on. We're both insanely attracted to each other and as a result our sex is pretty exceptional. There is only one problem.

At the very beginning of our relationship, I would become very aroused, very quickly (understandably, because it was also very new). It's only been a couple months in and although I'm still easily turned on by him, I have been struggling to get the juices flowing, if you know what I mean.

We do engage quite frequently, so I'm wondering if maybe I'm not giving myself enough time to recover and get all hot and bothered again. Basically, what I want to know is: what is going on with my vagina and how do I fix it?

- It seems like your vagina has become the victim of habituation. Repeated exposure to your boyfriend and whatever he does to get you going has caused your body to respond a little less than it did before.

Instead of reaching for the lube know that your body will likely produce what you need; it just won’t happen immediately.

Generally women’s bodies take longer to prepare for sex. You might not have noticed this at first because you might have been ready to go as soon as sexual activity was initiated; however, the thrill of this new awesome person could have been so strong your body was already responding to the idea of him before you even started fooling around.

If you had been planning on jumping his bones while getting ready to meet him, your body would have been responding even then.

So your body will still react to him, it just might not start as soon as it had before.

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